That Food Thing Again...

{WARNING- It's a long one, but stick with me if you've ever had feeding struggles with your kiddos. It might prove to be worthwhile.}

It was getting to be too much. Meal time was something out of a horror movie here at the SPH. Sassy's persistence with the stubbornness and refusal of all food was mounting. Little A was consistently choosing the dinner table to display her very worst behaviors, and I had had enough. You can look back here, here, and here if you need a gentle reminder of what we were going through.

It got so bad, I went on dinner strike for a few days. I gave up. Tyler was really angry with me for making this decision; for giving up on our family. But, between the fits and the fights, I really didn’t know if I could survive another day without going over the deep end. I don’t know how else to describe it besides that it was the culmination of countless parenting frustrations, mixed with some extraneous emotions, coming to a head. And, I felt like I was in over mine.

Not only had Sassy grown more selective about the foods she would agree to eat (i.e. even the staples like peanut butter sandwiches or milk and cereal had become NO's), she had begun to say some very alarming things to me. Things I did NOT want to hear from my 4-year-old, like how her stomach would get too big if she ate this or she might not look pretty in her dress if she ate that. Talk about making a Mama nauseous.

The truth is, I have no concept of where these ideas were coming from. Being an overweight person, I have my share of bad days when it comes to clothing and appearance, but I think I do pretty damn good in general. I do NOT say negative things about my body, especially in front of my daughters. I wear what is comfortable and I don't care what other people think. There are things I would like to change about myself for the benefit of my health, but I am not one of those people that think life will start or become great when I'm thin. I'm.just.not.

I'm not callous enough to say that I've never said an influencing word in these regards to my children. I am human and far from perfect, but I promise you it has not been intentional. I try very hard to be conscience of what comes out of my mouth. I devote time daily to telling each of my girls how beautiful they are... and how smart they are and how funny they are and what enjoyment they bring to our lives. I do.

The wheels started turning for me during a home visit with Debbie, our Parents As Teachers parent educator, who also happens to be my boss. Admitting that I had an epiphany during a PAT meeting makes me chuckle a bit, seeing as it is MY JOB to create these learning opportunities for the families I see. Add it to the list of the many reasons why I feel like a fraud at my job. I am NO parenting expert or model of perfection.

Anyway, Tyler and I were sharing with Debbie how frustrating meal time had become. How Little A chose that time to act out, throw things, and scream at the top of her lungs if all eyes (the four sets of adult eyes that are typically at out dinner table) weren't on her. I mean, to the point of ridiculousness.

Debbie, full knowing the struggles we face getting Sassy to eat, brought up a simple, poignant point to ponder. Do you think her behavior is manifesting as a cry for attention that she feels Sassy is getting the majority of at the dinner table?

"Excellent! I cried. "Elementary," said she.

So, it became clear that our focus on Sassy's eating issues were affecting every one's ability to enjoy a meal. And, that is after all, the point. We purposefully sit down as many nights as we are able and have a family meal. We know what the research says. That's why we do it.

So, how is it that we are intelligent enough to support and implement the family table concept, yet ignorant enough to not see the error of our ways at meal time? I mean, what good lies in spending 45 minutes at a table lecturing, scolding, fighting, sulking, and bartering? Shouldn't we be smiling, sharing about our day, learning from each other, and laughing together? I'm pretty sure the research evidence supports the benefits of the family table in an atmosphere such as this, and not the former...

So, it was established. Something's got to give. But there was a giant missing piece to the puzzle... HOW?

To be continued...