September 6, 2010

Can You Tell We're From the City??

So, last night, the girls and I were upstairs playing when my Dad comes running in from outside yelling that we had to come out there and see this turtle.

He takes Sassy, and I reluctantly slip on my flip-flops and grab Little A, knowing my Dad a bit too well... This is the man that is afraid of squirrels. This is the man that wouldn't pull his car into the garage because there was a toad inside.

Yeah.

So, we go outside, and my jaw dropped open when I saw this ginormous, spiny-shelled tortoise looking thing slinking down the cul-de-sac.

A million thoughts start racing through my head. Among them were:


  • W.T.F.
  • That has to be someone's escaped pet...
  • Where's my camera?
  • Is it dangerous?
  • Do I call animal control? The police?
  • That thing cannot be wild... It looks like it belongs in the zoo.
  • W.T.F.
Meanwhile, the reptile of unknown origin continues to make its way down the cul-de-sac, up our neighbors driveway, and begins tasting some plants and flowers and leaves from her garden. Then, it tries to crawl under her car, but it cannot fit, because it is THAT HUGE.

I was dumbstruck. Like, for real.

I knew what I had to do- I picked up the phone and called my friend Diane, who is the resident expert on these kinds of things. Our conversation went a little something like this:

Me: Um, hi Diane, how are you doing?
Diane: Pretty good...
Me: So I have a weird wild animal question for you...
Diane: OK, shoot.
Me: So there is this humongous turtle/tortoise/reptile thing traipsing around our cul-de-sac, and I was just wondering if it was normal to have a reptile with a shell 2-ft. in diameter suddenly appear on your street, or if this is, like, someone's lost BFF??
Diane: Does it have a spiky shell?
Me: Why, yes it does.
Diane: It's probably a snapping turtle.
Me: {Thought bubble- a FREAKING snapping turtle is, for all intents and purposes, in my driveway plotting to eat my children and burn my house down, and I am supposed to be OK with this?!?!} Oh.
Diane: Yeah, it's probably looking for a place to lay eggs, is all. Normal.
Me: Oh.
Diane: I wouldn't approach it or anything.
Me: {NSS}. Yeah, wasn't planning on it.
Diane: They'll take a finger, you know?
Me: Yeah. Thanks for the, uh, info...
Diane: No problem.

I went outside to share the news with my Dad, the girls, and my Mom, who had by this time joined them outside. I thought about getting my camera, but decided I didn't have a zoom lens long enough to feel comfortable with that, so we just sat outside like 5 dimwits watching the turtle.

Cool.

Except that know I am afraid to let the girls play outside EVER AGAIN for fear of the giant mutant-turtle thing snacking on their fingers and toes.

Better stock up on the crayons and coloring books this fall. We'll be spending plenty of time inside keeping ourselves busy!

Oh, and since I didn't get to taking a picture of our new friend, Sassy drew one for us instead:



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6 sweet tweets:

courtney said...

HaHa! I had know idea snapping turtles were so huge! I'm a little afraid to go in the lake now....

Sherry said...

Heather, you crack me up!!!! What a funny story, and I'm glad no one decided to try and pet it! You know what's really funny...if this same exact thing would have happened to Diane, imagine how different her blog post would have been. :)

Diane said...

OMG, Sherry! I almost hurt myself laughing at your comment! : )

Heather, don't worry about letting your kids play outside. They spend 90% of their time in the water so it should be heading back to the lake or river it came from soon (Assuming I was right, and it IS a snapping turtle). If you do end up getting a photo I would love to see it.

Lisa said...

Okay I laughed when you said you called Diane since when you first said you saw a weird turtle I thought "I would so call Diane!

Sarah said...

Yeah, 99% of the things that would make me wet myself, Diane would think is super cool, and want to hold, pet, save, rescue, or release back into the wild. It is great to have a friend with knowledge of "wild animals" such as this!

I really thought you'd have pictures of this thing for us....darn! Can't say I blame you, though!!

Alyssa said...

Laughed my butt off at that story. I can just HEAR that conversation between you and Diane in my head. Laughed even harder when I read everyone's comments. Too funny!