April 16, 2010

Sunshine, Rainbows & Unicorns...

Prompted by the highly anticipated return to the blog world by my friend Renee, and the utmost admiration for her no-holds barred style of writing, today I choose to cast away the facade.

Let me be clear- no one here sh*ts rainbows. I promise.

And still, I can't bring myself to spell out the swear word, in fear of offending someone. It's no secret that words like these have been known to fly freely from these lips. The fingers- eh. The lips... please...

My parents have been living with us since October. There, I said it. The worse part... we act like we are doing them such a favor. Then, my Mom is hospitalized on Easter and undergoes major abdominal surgery. The eleven days she was in the hospital- total.cluster.f**k! I mean, for real. Like, somehow in the past 5 months, I have forgotten how to run my own household, take care of my own kids, and find my own child care when I need to work. Holy hell. Furthermore, the thought of taking my kids by myself to the store to grocery shop now makes me go clammy. I need to get a grip.

Sassy has a sass-i-tude. While it used to be cute and just tickle me, now it makes me want to punch someone in the face. An almost 4-year-old with wit more sophisticated than my own is scary, quite frankly. I'm pretty sure I've created a monster.

I've come to the realization that Little A is spoiled rotten. Like, arch-her-back-scream-at-the-top-of-her-lungs-throw-herself-to-the-ground naughty if she doesn't get her way. The worst part- I am just coming to this realization because she has basically just had her first experiences with not getting her way... at NINETEEN months old. Oh, crap. What have we done?

I barely feel married because Tyler is so busy doing side work every chance he gets. Thank God he's handy, because we totally depend on that money to pay the $1,874,962 we have racked up in student loans. OK, I exaggerate... a little.

Both of our cars have about had it. My trusty Impala will be getting 4 brand spanking new tires tomorrow. Tyler's car... don't even get me started. It's almost at the point where it is dangerous to drive. But, we can't wrap our brains around sinking $500+ into that car. We need a new vehicle. We'd like a mini van. Can we swing a car payment- sure. We could make it work. Do we have the stellar credit required to obtain such a car loan in this economy... not so much. Crap.

I could likely go on and on... but, I'll spare you.

I was just talking to my friend Miranda about our stresses this morning- it is so hard to maintain a positive attitude when life is full of such stress! Then, all I can do is feel guilty, all the well knowing that things could be so much worse. Why is it so easy to dwell on the negative and allow this cycle to dominate?

Admission- I have spent the past 2 or 3 weeks feeling completely guilty about not having sent out my giveaway prizes for the baby shower contest that I posted January 27th. I'm embarrassed that it's nearly three months later, and this has not been done. The fear of letting people down in one of my issues.

So, what prompted me to fret over this for so long instead of just taking care of it? That's a great question. This type of complete stress-inducing procrastination is a cycle I get caught up in all the time. But, tonight, I did something about it. I stopped racking my brain over what prize would be "good enough", and just went with something easy that I myself would enjoy receiving. Done. It took about three minutes. Phew.

What other things can I chip at from my to-do list?

What other things can I get off my chest?

How can I strive to be more authentic?

How can I feel at peace with doing so?

Only time will tell. Hope you are all in for the ride!

3 sweet tweets:

Anonymous said...

OMG, I totally thought you all were shitting rainbows at your house!

rduxler said...

Okay, so we are TOTALLY doing the lunch/pedi thing STAT and we are also totally going to write the next New York Times Bestseller on how absolutely 'effed up crazy/insecure/guilty we make ourselves as mothers for NO GOOD REASON. That should pay for a minivan.

Read the McMama post btw, and LOVED it...


Shaila said...

Right there with you. It gets better, right??