As I sit back and reflect on the (almost) one year that Little A has been a part of our family, I recall many fond memories. I turn the pages in my mind to revisit all the accomplishments she has made, the milestones she has conquered... I can't help but linger on the images of her bright blue beautiful eyes or her silly toothy grin, whose forms are etched in my mind like crystals.
With so many wonderful recollections to ponder, why is it that I find myself dwelling on the what if's, the not enough's, and the not the same's?
I feel as though Sassy had many more experiences during her first year. In those days, it wasn't a race against the clock to just get out the door. It wasn't a scheduling nightmare to juggle 2 kids busy agendas. I wasn't (much of) a working mama then.
Back then, I didn't have a (loving, wonderful, hilarious, smart as a whip) toddler to avert the focus from the baby to herself. Back then, I didn't find it difficult to find the time to sit on the floor and play peek-a-boo or read books all day.
I can't help but think that Sassy knew more songs and games at one. She said more words at one. She was closer to walking at one. I know each child is different, but I can't help but wonder if I aided in these things more with Sassy than Little A.
It's nature vs. nurture... in the flesh...
I was flipping through the latest Parents magazine, and it said that by one year of age, most babies have been read to for 122 hours. Um, no. 503 miles have been added to the wear on your stroller. No again. Un-check my box.
Then, there's the boundaries. I wouldn't let McDonald's or any other fast food pass Sassy's lips forever. Just the other day, I found myself feeding Little A bits of chicken and tortilla from my snack wrap as Sassy played. Sassy definitely wasn't allowed to ride in the bike trailer until she was well over a year. Little A... well, she's been on several rides...
When I think back to all the times I let Little A cry just a little bit longer before picking her up, or all those times when I let the bath slide just one more night...
...it overwhelms me.
How do you deal with the guilt in your life?